I discovered some writing today as I was cleaning out an old flash drive. Usually I keep everything I write as it could always be re-purposed towards a story line in the future. This time I couldn't do it. I couldn't save these thoughts I had put down on paper because they disgusted me so much.
What disgusted me was the lack of love I used to have for myself. I didn't outright bash myself in the writing. I only described my interactions with others and my desire for them to like me more. Those guys from the past didn't deserve a moment of my pining for them. They didn't deserve my worry that I could be what they wanted or needed. They should have been happy that someone as smart and beautiful and talented as myself graced them with my presence! Instead they only gave me the amount of attention one would a stray dog. And I accepted that.
What an idiot I was. To not have enough self-respect to see how wonderful I could truly become.
I think about that time that I wasted, so concerned with other's thoughts of me. All the insecurities I focused on, instead of enjoying my life. I found pictures of how thin I was back then...and I was worried about my weight?! What I would give to have that body again.
What did I learn from this? Be grateful for all the gifts you have and never EVER settle.
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